Every year, I hear some dicksquat make some uninformed shitpile of a comment about how Burning Man is so expensive. This recalls a conversation I once had very drunk and very early in the morning on the Black Rock with Cowboy Bob, and I figured I’d just put this out there.
Burning Man is free.
Well, not literally, but let’s do some math, because math solves everything. Here we go:
Burning Man tickets cost about $300. That $300 gets you in at midnight the Monday before Labor Day, and the Event ends on Labor Day Monday, let’s say, at 11:59. That’s 8 full days. But not that many people really stay until the very end, so I’m gonna be generous to the math (you’ll see how in a second), so let’s call it 7 days. 7 days in the Black Rock Desert.
What does $300 get you. At the barest minimum, $300 guarantees you:
1. somewhere to camp on public lands during the private event
2. a private place to evacuate your body
3. police protection
4. access to emergency medical services
5. access to ice and a minimum assortment of beverages
Really, that’s all you’re guaranteed. But what do you REALLY get? You get amazing art seen nowhere else on earth. You get an amazing pyrotechnics show on Saturday (the Man) with probably the single largest fire you’ve ever personally seen. You’ll get another, possibly equally large or larger “burn” on Sunday. There’s also music and other performances 24 hours a day. There are people that you meet that may become lifelong friends (or enemies). Those things are pretty tangible.
You also get to potentially learn new things, like how to tie a knot, pull out stuck rebar, pitch a tent or shade, and cooperate with others. You’ll learn to rely on yourself and provide for others. You can attend any number of classes on everything from tantra to trivets. You will learn to tolerate others’ unique perspectives on what it means to participate. You may become more comfortable with your body/self-image by seeing other people’s bodies and positive self-image. It’s quite possible that you will learn things about yourself you never knew before, or try things you otherwise were reluctant to try. You may climb a tall tower, or roll in fresh grass, or ride a huge glowing dancefloor-having duck. You will learn your limits of sleep, patience, tolerance, acceptance, and rethink the world that you’ve trudged through every day unawares that things could be different if we all tried. But I’m getting off track here. Back to the math.
So, Burning Man is 7 days, 24 hours for $300. 7 days divided by the price comes out to $42.86 per day. Taking this a little further, that comes out to $1.79 per hour. $1.79 per hour.
More math, since Burning Man is 24 hours a day for 7 days, that’s 168 hours of non-stop, world-class, participant-created, non corporate-funded, non advertising-having, non revenue-driven, non politically-motivated, unique, sometimes dangerous, raw unadulterated art and culture. In fact, I’m gonna nix “art & culture” and just go with “experience”. All 168 hours are available to you if you want it. I don’t know anyone who’s stayed awake for the entire Event, and I don’t recommend it (it might be impossible), but again, you ticket entitles you to all of it, whether you can or not.
Now, let’s compare this to a few things:
Lady Gaga is coming to the Oakland Arena. I have nothing against Lady Gaga or her performance, I’m just using this as an example because it’s current. So here comes Lady Gaga, tickets are on sale now. They’re $50. The ticket price from Ticketmaster is $65 after all the fees and whatnot. So let’s do our math again:
Lady Gaga costs $65. The show “starts” at 8:00pm. I don’t know for sure, but I assume it’ll be over at 11pm or midnight. I’ll be generous and go with midnight. So, Lady Gaga performs for 4 hours. Doing the math that’s $16.25 hour.
What do you get for this? You get:
1. entrance to the Oakland Coliseum
2. a private place to evacuate your body
3. police protection
4. access to emergency medical services
5. access to an assortment of beverages & snacks
But what do you REALLY get? You get in to the arena to see possibly an opening band and Lady Gaga perform their music live.
Now here’s where I get critical (again, no slight against Lady Gaga in particular, I happen to enjoy a few of her tracks). For SIXTEEN times the cost, you get to see someone perform live, something that you’ve probably heard/seen over and over for the previous year or two. On tour, she’ll probably perform a smattering of new material, but you’re really there to hear the hits and solidify the experience of hearing it pre-recorded. While you’re there, you will be heavily marketed to through advertising and other types of targeted sponsorships. If you want a souvenir t-shirt, the design on it will probably not be what you hoped (but maybe it’s an epic shirt, who knows) and it will start at $25 for poor quality (maximum markup/profit) materials. If you want to enjoy a beer, it will start at $9. The entire experience you have will be overpriced, commodified, and controlled. You will passively watch the performance, and cheer when it’s appropriate to do so. You can’t push the button to make the fire go. You can’t climb to the top of the stage and watch from there if you want. You can’t ride around on a pink furry mushroom. You cannot participate. Sure, it may be the best show of your life, and it may change your outlook on everything from then going forward, but I highly doubt it. What will you take away from it? Some photos of a tiny stage? A crappy t-shirt? A Lady Gaga souvenir DVD?
At Burning Man, for $42/day you can make your own souvenirs of your own design and quality. You will more than likely be given them as gifts, just because. Want a beer, just ask for one. Hell, come ask ME for one. It’ll be free. Want to get involved? Just ask, before you know it, you might find YOURSELF on stage giving the performance. When you leave, you will have bruises, you will have loved or lost love, you will love it or you will hate it, but you will have had an experience you will never forget.
Now I’m sure I’m gonna hear it about the actual TCA of Burning Man (Total Cost of Attendance), which is, of course, much higher than just the ticket price, but it doesn’t have to be. You could buy some groceries, find your old tent, jump in your car and be there in a few hours. TCA: food + gas + ticket. OK, no car, go with friends. No friends? Rent an RV. Wait, you want to look fabulous? Ok, you get my point, the pricetag can skyrocket depending on how much you want to put into it, but most of that is your choice on how much you want to participate. But let’s be fair and put up some real numbers for 1 person, going with 3 friends. Ticket: $300, food: $300, car rental: $600, gas: $100, costumes: $150, blinky lights: $40, beer: $60, tent $100, extras (goggles, sunscreen, lip balm, lotion, etc etc): $100. Let’s see where we’re at now: $1750. BUT you split the car and gas and food ($1000) with friends. So your portion is $250. Now we’re at: $1000 for you to come to Burning Man in style.
Back to the math: $1000/168 hours = $5.95/hour, or $142/day. But you’re STILL not up to Lady Gaga prices. So let’s do the math backwards. To get $16.25/hr “worth” of entertainment at Burning Man, you’d have to spend $2730 ON YOURSELF.
Now, how is Burning Man free? I just paid $1000 to go! I’m not going to break it all down, but think of this. Go back and read all of the non-tangible things you might get if you’re not a total asshole, ruining everyone’s experience sitting at camp bitching and complaining about how it’s “hot & dusty”. Put a price tag on some of those things. Let’s put a dollar figure on “self-esteem”. Therapy to work out all the shitty things your parents said to you that make you think you’ll never amount to anything runs about $100/session. Sessions for once a week for a year: $5200. Welding class: $1000. Wilderness class: $250. Camping trip to the Redwoods: $300 (all told). Basically, if it was even possible to put together all of the things that Burning Man gives you for free (once you’re there) and put a dollar value on them and come up with a price tag, I ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE that it would come out to more than $300. More than $1000. And certainly more that $2730.
And while you’re there, everything is free*, all you have to do is participate to get your money’s worth. You can’t beat the price.
* Except coffee and ice